Mood Confession

My current mood SUCKS.

Right now, my heart, soul and mind feel extremely heavy.

AND i really feel like wasting all my time sitting on the beach and eating cheezels. All night long, just gazing at the far away horizon. Last week, that person promised me that he will take me away from Singapore. He told me he will arrange for a short getaway to just spend some time with me alone. But i shouldnt have taken his words seriously. Foolish me.

Everyday is nothing but work. And more work. Since when did i become a workaholic cum perfectionist. Thats the worst thing that can ever happen to me. I need to be able to enjoy the time spent with the person i love. I dont think there should be any compromise for this basic need in every relationship. Im not throwing my tantrums; for once, i really sat down and think with my mind, and not my heart. How long more can i last? As much as i want to pursue my interest, i dont want to spend the other half of my youth not dating the person i like but working with him. Maybe right now, i just yearn for my life to be simpler. I just want to enjoy, i want us to be a normal couple eating dinners outside and dating over the weekends, why is it so difficult to even achieve this? I cannot remember when was the last time we really enjoyed ourselves one full day doing things that is totally not related to work.

Is it as long as this photo? Thats like half a year ago. This guy beside me, nowadays i feel that even though he is right beside me every single day, even though we see each other almost everyday, i still miss him so much. I miss him as my boyfriend, the person who used to be loving.

Sometimes its not how much time we spent together that matters, but how much we enjoy each other’s company during that period of time.
Hang on, geo.

Jealousy

Its such a scary emotion and disposition.

Especially jealousy that surface either from love OR success.

Well, i still remember weeks back, i had a tiff with my dearest boyfriend, over what? I totally forgotten. Cos I suffer amnesia after each dispute during the past 20 months. Why the amnesia? Because at the end of day, we will be alright and i will soon realise its not worth all the shouting and yelling. I will still go back to him. That day when we had the tiff, i went to Loft with him but the whole afternoon we didnt speak a single word to each other. He did what he was supposed to do and i went on to arrange my apparels on the racks. Then suddenly, he was happily chatting with one of the staff and my eyes rolled and stared at them. Immediately, i can feel my cheeks burning and whole body trembling with nothing but jealousy. Yes i feel jealous because my bf didnt wanna talk to me the whole time, he didnt bother to pacify me or at least ask if i have eaten. But he talked so happily with the staff. Hah, thinking back, its kinda childish of me. But i think that was one of the rare occasions when mr phua can make me jealous because of him. Its hard to forget the feeling at that moment. Like i just wanna go straight up to him and strangle his neck.

Another reason for jealousy comes mainly from success. I guess for many, along with success, comes the price of jealousy from people around him/her. Its human instinct and hence natural, but i totally hate this feeling of jealousy over success. I would prefer feeling jealous because of my boyfriend, at least he bothers and truly understands how i feel. But the successful person simply wont bother the person who is feeling jealous over his/her success. Get this right. Because success is selfish. And jealousy is not redundant.

As defined, “jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.” In the midst of competition, i dont feel any emotion of jealousy at all. Competition is my source of motivation. Besides pursuing my goals and dreams and doing a business with someone i love, positive competition is the reason why im never complacent with my achievements or MDS’s. Its also the reason why me & Jm always tell ourselves to keep on improving. Every improvement we made to MDS is not the end; but the beginning of our final success. My dearie knows how stress i am whenever i feel that MDS has reached a stagnant stage again. He knows exactly how this baby is always on my mind no matter where i go. Its the same for him too. Though not as perfectionist as me, but he is the one who execute most of the ideas or changes i want for MDS. We are a good combo, i wouldnt say perfect because partnership is something really tacky and needs lots of trust and understanding in between.

And my daddy, mr allen yeo. I love him alot, but sometimes he really confuses me with his words and actions. Till the point i broke down in front of JM in my office. Couldnt take it anymore. Im someone who cannot live with doubts and uncertainty. I dont know what daddy is thinking sometimes. He made me doubt my ability. I dont understand why this thought is deeply rooted in his mind-graduates should come out and find a BIG company and work to earn BIG bucks. Another weird thought-Me & JM should not do a business together because its TOO RISKY. He should go and work in a bank because of his Banking & Finance Degree whereas i should do MDS alone.

He is naive. He thinks MDS can expand to its fullest under my efforts alone. IMPOSSIBLE. JM is the one who completes me in this business. Without him, i wouldnt have a pretty .com site, a shop listing and an office. It may happen in future, but definitely not so fast. Then again, sometimes, my dad will be so supportive. Just like today, he said he can be my cashier in my boutique after he retire because he simply just wanna enjoy his life doing nothing much. He suddenly have this thought-why earn so much money? And work so hard? So rich for what? I should just lead a normal life like others.

My weird dad. He always has his own set of thinkings which no one can influence. I feel so stress being his daughter sometimes. He has the highest expectations of me and recently, because its nearing my last semester, he is always bugging me to make decision about my career after graduation. It seems as if he dont want me to do mds. But yet today, he suddenly tell me, “wei, your business cannot fail. Must show to everyone what you are capable of.” Of course, upon hearing these kinda words from your dad, you will feel recharged and ready to cheong. But not anymore. I have mastered the art of “heck care your daddy” emotion. If i always take his words seriously, i will go bonkers one day. So the solution is just take it easy. Do what i love, produce results and show him right in his face. Then everything will be alright. Thanks to JM for reminding me to manage my own stress everyday. Otherwise, i will always be dissatisfied and unhappy no matter the outcome.

Love love.

Im a label sucker. But still, i prefer quality over everything else. Be it clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, makeup and nails. I can save on electronics and gadgets like hand phone and ipod because i dont understand them at all, but i can never feel contented just by window-shopping all the women’s stuff. Like it? Then buy it. Otherwise, dont let me see it.

Gorgeous light rose Dior Couture sunglass, im sooo going to lay my hands on her soon. After letting my wallet hibernate awhile from my agnes b bag splurge!

So?

EVEN BETTER.

EVEN BETTER.

EVEN BETTER.